Enjoy: people actually said in court

flyingpig

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm
whilethese exchanges were actually taking place.

________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
________________________________________


ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with
you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I cant remember
which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, Where am I, Cathy?
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
_____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isnt it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesnt know about it until the
next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how
old is he?
WITNESS: Un, hes twenty-one.
_______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at the time?
WITNESS: Uh....
_________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how may of your autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
people.
_____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: All your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
I was doing an autopsy on him!
____________________________________________________
BEST ONE!!!!!!!!!!!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
alive and practicing law.

tc_cool

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