请大家帮忙修改一下 O(∩_∩)O谢谢

246 · 发表于 2010-12-31 16:27

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申请工作的cover letter
“During my MBA course I have obtained a valuable training in research and analysis. In addition, I have had internship in the field of marketing, sales and finance that provided me a great knowledge about marketing industries. Through my experiences, I have developed strong organizational skills that will allow me to contribute to your organization. Also, my computer skills can make a valuable contribution to your team goals. My Master of Business Administration degree and fluency in Chinese, English and German further bolster my qualifications.”
ps. 着重帮忙看看冠词 a an the

246 · 发表于 2010-12-31 18:15

torpedo · 发表于 2011-1-1 16:22

申请工作的cover letter2 q; y/ k& d& F5 E
“During my MBA course I have obtained a valuable training in research and a ...: c/ V2 w; z/ L: |
246 发表于 2010-12-31 15:27

"that provided me a great knowledge about marketing..." This part sounds not natural to me, first usually you say provide sb. with sth. My suggestion is to find another verb to replace "provide" here. One can say f. e. ".....through which my knowledge on marketing industries has been greatly increased..."

246 · 发表于 2011-1-2 16:17

"that provided me a great knowledge about marketing..." This part sounds not natural to me, firs ...
) d, w" }! |3 u" X. j* ?torpedo 发表于 2011-1-1 15:22

O(∩_∩)O谢谢LS的建议

新年快乐~~

246 · 发表于 2011-1-2 20:51

本帖最后由 246 于 2011-1-2 20:25 编辑

有哪位帮忙看看 a an the 方面的问题 O(∩_∩)O谢谢！

246 · 发表于 2011-1-2 21:25

246 · 发表于 2011-1-2 22:31

torpedo · 发表于 2011-1-2 23:02

"In addition, I have had internship in the field of marketing ..." I wonder if one can HAVE an internship. Maybe it would be better to say "I have worked as an intern ...". Sorry I cannot offer more suggestions. When you live in Germany, you just lose interest in improving your English.

246 · 发表于 2011-1-3 00:13

"In addition, I have had internship in the field of marketing ..." I wonder if one can HAVE an inter ...* a$ x/ O; P' o5 J3 I
torpedo 发表于 2011-1-2 22:02

O(∩_∩)O谢谢LS的，有同感啊，在德国呆的时间长了，英语越来越不行了

aileute · 发表于 2011-2-2 18:35

本帖最后由 aileute 于 2011-2-2 17:37 编辑

时态用过去，没有必要学德语用完成时。
obtained -> joined a training programm in...
In addition, I have had internship in the field of marketing, sales and finance that provided me -> from which I gained ....
Through my experiences, I have developed strong organizational skills that will allow me to contribute to your organization -> organizational capacity which ensures me to contribute ...
My Master of Business Administration degree -> My MBA degree
fluency -> execellent language skills

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请大家帮忙修改一下 O(∩_∩)O谢谢

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